Marriage Monday

Jokes About Marriage

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. (Milton Berle)

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)

A husband said to his wife, 'No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.'

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

A man is not complete until he is married; then he is finished.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, 'OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.'

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A wedding consists of 3 rings, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring!

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

All marriages are mixed marriages. (Chantal Saperstein)

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake'. (Henny Youngman)